every.vanity

she~devil :)

i had a few drinks last night. more than usual. and a xanax. i blacked out a few times. i wasn’t out of hand- i was with close friends all night. it felt nice to let go of control. 

i had a date later in the night- but i cancelled. i was having a good time with friends. and another reason. another person. i need to admit- to myself- that i like this person. but i can’t. feels like romeo & juliet- doomed from the start. before we ever had a real date some drama erupted amongst friends and now we’re friends… but really just acquaintances. we know nothing about each other, except that there’s a attraction we’re both repressing. 

i want him. but i’m also very comfortable alone. 

what a crazy week. 

where to begin?

last night i met a girl that dabbled as a dominatrix. she tells me her best friend is a dom with a dungeon in culver city. i swapped numbers with her. i’m very interested in learning/watching.

i was interested in one fellow at the party. i was talking to him for a bit and then i walked away from him. i thought he was gay. it turned out he wasn’t. i wasn’t prowling anyway.

some drama erupted. not mine. but i was affected by it. i ended up not being able to get to my car til 6am. i’m on about 5 hours of sleep. everything is spoiled. at this time i’m uninterested in speaking to the parties involved. i’m disappointed. i just need some time to pass and lots of space. 

i need to stay out of the eastside. i keep seeing the same faces doing the same things- over and over again.  

i’ve been a little sore. i’m in the middle of a move. been sleeping on hardwood floors the past two nights. i’m hoping to be settled in, in about another week or two. i’m 5 minutes from the beach. i’m getting closer and closer to my dream of living on a beach. i belong on the westside.   

——— 

btw. i saw my favorite last monday. such good sex. left bruises, a no-no, and they’re finally starting to dissipate. it had been a while since i had that type of release and it had been a long time since he’s helped me with that. nothing else compares. the quality of men- intellectually and sexually- that i have been meeting have been… sad. 

ending positive: i am grateful for everything working out. i’m not stuck; i’m moving forward. i have an amazing new place. i’m still under 30. :)
  

another crazy night

I only want them when I’m drunk. And by them I mean boys.